Only with knowing sadness can you come to know happiness.
I thought this moment would never come. I thought this feeling is long forgotten. I thought I can think CLEAR, it’s all in the past and I will never get depressed again.
I was WRONG.
Here I am, one month from my wedding, and feeling like a useless liability to those around me. Where did my optimism go? My happiness? My confidence? My enjoyment? My life?
And these thoughts! They are so negative all the time now. Like here I am writing this post, and it goes like “You’re doing this for attention, aren’t you?”
Well I’m not, I’m just leaving this as a message for the people who care. A person who cares is better than thousands who don’t, A good friend is better than any number of acquaintances.
“You know you shouldn’t be blogging, your doctor would be very upset.”
Well what does he know? Didn’t he warn me from bipolar groups? Now those groups made me my best real life friends who know how to pick me when I’m down. I’m pretty sure he’s wrong about this blog as well.
Anyway, just thought I’d get this message out there in case someone was wondering if I’m ever down. Well, I am the author of “Why I love being bipolar”. Now I’m thinking about what a joke that article was. But no I’ve got to bear with this.
Only with great sadness can you appreciate great happiness.
Yeah.. I made that up…
Anyway… Thanks for caring.
I love you all.
Aimer Shama
You’re right, you’ve got to bear with this. I know its tough, but you’ll get back to being optimistic, happy & confident.
Thx Shielsy you’re a great friend. Now lemme check your blog I miss it
I forgot to mention too, but I find using my blog is a great help. I know your doctor / counsellor disagrees, but he maybe worried over the negative posts to be found. Sometimes I actively ignore negative posts & when I realise the writer is in a low mood & I myself am not feeling good will delete.
But I get a lot of support from fellow bloggers on here & made some great friends.
I do not understand the philosophy of burying one’s head in the sand. Bipolar disorder has its bright sides like it has its ugly sides, and we shouldn’t run away from either. Ty.
It’s true that there has to be sadness if there is to be happiness, just as darkness requires light. It’s getting stuck in the dark sadness that is the problem. Your blog probably helps you identify and express those feelings so you can move on.
It does, my blog I mean, and the kind words from comments help me even more. Ty.
Hang in there, Aimer! I hope things pick up for you soon. Please just know you are not alone and you have support here. And, I don’t see this as being only for attention as you state in your post. This is what we all need… support, understanding and compassion. You have it here! I wish I could keep up with all of my blogging reading lately. I’ve been down, and then up, then down again lately, and it’s making me lose steam on a lot of things. I’m still here, though.
The stress of your wedding and all the preparation that goes into that can be such an exhausting experience, both physically and mentally. I’ve never been married, let alone had a wedding, but I’ve helped a couple of family members with theirs in the past, and I see the toll it takes on them. Then, throw bipolar and all our ugly illness has to offer on top of it, and that just is a beyond tough mix.
Take care of yourself, Aimer, and keep posting when you need it. It seems like that doctor is all about cutting you off from others who can actually truly understand you, and that’s not good in my opinion. You do what *you* feel is best. Only you know yourself best.
Hugs!!!
Summer
Summer, DeeDee, Shielsy and Anita, ty for your kind comments. I wish I can put into words my gratitude for your kind comments, but I can’t. Just know that you all were, are, a great help. I think I’m getting better.
Actually, I’ve been meaning to comment on this forever, things have just been moving along too fast to keep up. All I wanted to say is that this too will pass. There’s a lot of stress that goes with major life changes, so don’t be too surprised by a few ups and downs, and try to roll with the punches.
And I do agree – great sadness makes it not only easier to appreciate great happiness, but also gives us more perspective on many other aspects of life, love, and all that goes along with it.
I hope the wedding goes beautifully! Remember, it doesn’t have to be the best day of your life (that’s too much pressure and kinda ridiculous given the stress) but do try to enjoy it. At the end of the day, you and your lady will have created a lasting bond that will hopefully transcend the greatest of sadnesses and happinesses.
I just came across your blog. I think that having a blog has served as my lifeline as I’ve struggled with moods, medications, and other facets of having Bipolar. Also, a blog doubles as an emotional archive and, for me, had been far more useful in tracking my moods than a mood chart.
Thanks for the visit. I hope it was worthwhile.